Today’s culture prepares us for gain, but not for loss.
Inevitably, we will experience losses in our lives: illness, ageing, death, divorce, disability, loss of independence, unemployment, financial reversals. Losses will include Pain, Tears, Anger, Embarrassment, Frustration.
To cope we need to understand the dynamics of our loss to help us through it and back to a new normal living again.
We have been Prepared to Add. We are taught to go to School, study go to College, then University, Become a Graduate. Get a fantastic job. Find and Marry the perfect partner, Buy the perfect house, Save, and Invest money. Go on Great Vacations. Have children. Live the right way. In all these activities we have been adding to ourselves. It is All about Accumulation, adding and adding and adding.
So, it is not a surprise when we face major losses, or change it is often alien to us and we can feel like we are thrown into unchartered territory. This is why is hurts so much and at times we are unable to cope. It is such a sharp shock to the system and our status quo. It stops us from living in the world as we knew it.
The world moves on, and nobody seems to notice or care how we are feeling about this new situation.
In the past 3 years so many of us have experienced loss on multiple levels and we are all grieve in our own ways. Everyone grieves differently.
In Biblical times Deuteronomy 34: God allowed them thirty days to mourn their loss and to comfort one another before resuming the business of life. ‘Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted’ (Matthew 5:4 KJV).
Life-changing loss begins with Bereavement – the agony of feeling that something or someone indispensable to us has been ripped away, leaving us feeling robbed.
Then comes Grief – searing emotions of overwhelming sorrow that are often accompanied by anger, distress, confusion, and helplessness.
Next, comes the mourning stage – where we begin to express our grief and loss. This is the ‘hard work’ stage of tears, memories, and heartrending spasms of weeping that shake us to our very core. We feel guilt and remorse over what we have said or done or not said or done.
Then onto Acceptance and Healing where we give those around us opportunity to respond, offering the comfort and reassurance we need to begin healing our heartache.
Taking the time to grieve is key and helps to reset our Wellbeing status!
When I lost my mum I found comforting words in her diary. “In future times when you all read my diaries; I hope you understand how much I love you and appreciate all the thoughts, and efforts each one of you bestows on me.”
We need to be kinder to ourselves!
CARMEN FRANKLIN
The Listening Coach