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 Being kinder to ourselves. Today’s culture prepares us for gain, but not for loss.

Today’s culture prepares us for gain, but not for loss.


Inevitably, we will experience losses in our lives: illness, ageing, death, divorce, disability, loss of independence, unemployment, financial reversals. Losses will include Pain, Tears, Anger, Embarrassment, Frustration.

To cope we need to understand the dynamics of our loss to help us through it and back to a new normal living again.


We have been Prepared to Add. We are taught to go to School, study go to College, then University, Become a Graduate. Get a fantastic job. Find and Marry the perfect partner, Buy the perfect house, Save, and Invest money. Go on Great Vacations. Have children. Live the right way. In all these activities we have been adding to ourselves. It is All about Accumulation, adding and adding and adding.


So, it is not a surprise when we face major losses, or change it is often alien to us and we can feel like we are thrown into unchartered territory. This is why is hurts so much and at times we are unable to cope. It is such a sharp shock to the system and our status quo. It stops us from living in the world as we knew it.


The world moves on, and nobody seems to notice or care how we are feeling about this new situation.

In the past 3 years so many of us have experienced loss on multiple levels and we are all grieve in our own ways. Everyone grieves differently.


In Biblical times Deuteronomy 34: God allowed them thirty days to mourn their loss and to comfort one another before resuming the business of life. ‘Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted’ (Matthew 5:4 KJV).

Life-changing loss begins with Bereavement – the agony of feeling that something or someone indispensable to us has been ripped away, leaving us feeling robbed.


Then comes Grief – searing emotions of overwhelming sorrow that are often accompanied by anger, distress, confusion, and helplessness.


Next, comes the mourning stage – where we begin to express our grief and loss. This is the ‘hard work’ stage of tears, memories, and heartrending spasms of weeping that shake us to our very core. We feel guilt and remorse over what we have said or done or not said or done.


Then onto Acceptance and Healing where we give those around us opportunity to respond, offering the comfort and reassurance we need to begin healing our heartache.


Taking the time to grieve is key and helps to reset our Wellbeing status!


When I lost my mum I found comforting words in her diary. “In future times when you all read my diaries; I hope you understand how much I love you and appreciate all the thoughts, and efforts each one of you bestows on me.”


We need to be kinder to ourselves!


Insights Discovery Energy?

By Carmen Franklin August 25, 2024
Being kinder to ourselves. Today’s culture prepares us for gain, but not for loss.
By Carmen Franklin June 21, 2020
Whilst working in British Telecom, I was introduced to Insights as an alternative to the established Myers Briggs psychometric tool to understand communication preferences. Back then, Insights was used as a conflict resolution tool, where employees with opposite communication styles came to understand and appreciate the differences they might have and how these differences could be perceived as difficulties. Sharing profiles enabled distant parties to learn more about the others preferences, how to flex and connect more effectively leading to new understanding, greater partnerships and working relationships. From the time I completed the online evaluator of 22 questions and receive my very own personal Insights Report. I became an instant Insights convert and ambassador for life! I love the effortless way you can receive insight into how you make decisions, could be perceived and what you could potentially not see about oneself. I am an avid believer in learning, and who does not want to learn more about themselves! So, let’s find out about Insights. What is Insights? Insights is a unique Tool that teaches us about Communication, how we communicate to others, and how others might receive our communication. There are 4 colour energies that we each have, with one predominant colour energy manifesting itself. The Insights system is built on a 4-step process where you: • Explore and discover more about yourself • Learn how to recognise and appreciate others’ differences • Learn how to adapt your behaviour to interact more effectively with others • Take continual action and put your learning into practice Insights is easily absorbed and can be used after one session. The cool coloured blocks are quick reminders of individual preferences and are featured on many desks and minds across the businesses I deliver Individual and Teams Insights debrief sessions; often to support change, new teams reshaping purpose and helping participants learn about their communication styles in a very short time. Benefits of Insights • Builds individual and team communication, behaviours and positive cultural environment within organisations • Embedded Insights communication tool promotes engagement with others, increases Business performance and attainment of goals in professional and personal lives. Participants readily use new knowledge of the Insights colour energies, to describe people's preferences. “Oh Mike is Insights Blue, could you not tell by the way he planned the session and what about the number of questions asked during session. "Oh, you can tell Amy is Insights yellow – she thrives on knowing what’s going on and how she can be involved. Participants quickly picked up on the value add of improved business communication that enhances culture and performance, and provide stimulating feedback. “The personality report that came through following the questionnaire was truly excellent and insightful”. “The course has made me realise that people are different, and everyone values different things”. “I am much more aware of my personality and better able to understand what other people's personality type is like and how to better interact with them.” "I have a new way of giving and receiving feedback, this enhances our working dynamics, builds our team ethos and more importantly help us builds trust whilst achieving our goals". Many participants wished this information on their preferences was available earlier on in their career, having learnt how unique they are. Key learning is around unique preferences • Ultimately, we like our comfort zones, but can easily refocus our communication to connect and influence others. • Our unique differences can be seen by others and some of these differences we may not be fully aware of and will need others to point out these blind spots . • Highlighting how we make decisions in split seconds and that our perspectives and perceptions may not be the full picture. It is my passion to speak with participants about their own preferences and interactions with others, enabling them to have more positive conversations as part of their day to day communication. As more of the workforce is looking at a future of working from home, how can they adapt and flex their communication skills? What can you as a business do to help them achieve a higher level of communication? If you have not already, consider joining the Insights Communication Journey in 4 simple steps: • Contacting Carmen Franklin Insights Practitioner • Complete Online assessment • Receive a Profile Report • Undertake a Group or 1:1 Insights Debrief session For a further discussion on services please contact via mobile: 07904651683 or Email – Carmen.Franklin@loving-light.co.uk or LinkedIn - Carmen Franklin. Background Information Carmen Franklin is an accredited Insights Practitioner, and has delivered over 30+ Group and 150+ 1:1 Debrief sessions. Introduced Insights to PlayStation Europe 2006 before taking it across to the US in 2016, where it expanded to other Global entities and business divisions to help increase positive communication and effective working etiquette. “Carmen, I am particularly impressed with your leadership of the Insights program which we are now deploying in the US based on your efforts.” Michael Labianca, Global HR SVP PlayStation.
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